Urgency.

I like to believe this urgency,  this yearning to equip myself with the best of what is out there. 
I like to believe this need to acquire knowledge and understanding,  to solve problems and build bridges, to enable others the chance to travel the road of self discovery.. 
I like to believe this began not with me,but with those that came before me...
 Those that paved  the road I now curiously peruse, those that suffered so I could dream 
- those that were, those that are , those that will be.

Moments of Impact

There are moments of impact in each person's life that are critical to defining who we are and who we become. As travelers of this world, as purveyors of the land, members of a society.

Many times as the pages of our lives continue to unfold, we are so unraveled in the details, in the nuances of the everyday that we almost forget.   The moments which shape us into the entity we see, the moments which     mold our decisions or are lack their of, the moments our souls call home.

We have a pool boy.

March 20, 2012
We finally have a  "pool boy".

April, 5, 2012
 We call him" ti blan"  , but he is actually called Stevenson Durat.

April 7, 2012
Of course, I have only spoken to him in passing, you know the usual
"Good Morning...
The pool looks great today!
..How is the family?"
.nobody actually , really "talks" to a pool boy.

He is simply here to do his "pool duties": scrub, clean, disinfect and keep the pool sparkly blue.

April 20, 2012
I mean, even if I wanted to discover more about" ti blan"would that even be socially acceptable?

April 25,2012
I caught "ti blan" singing today. As I meandered on back  I heard the most melodious sound, so naturally I followed it. The closer I got to the music, the more enchanted I became. The words were so poignant and true. As he fiddled through the guitar strings , his words took form. They evolved. Right there, slouched near are hidden cherry Ti Blan- he shared his story, his dreams , his reality.

April 26,2012
My mind raced as I tried to piece together the realities he explicated just a few hours ago.
I need to understand.

April 28, 2012
 I approached TiBlan to day. It was strange but refreshing
Our conversation went past the 15 second schmeeal.

May 11,2012
We have been talking a bit more now a days.
Stevenson's mom is a ti marchand right near 3 Mains- She leaves 4am and gets home at around 8pm, his dad left before  had any real recollection of who he was. He is currently enrolled in a technical  school where he learns basics of hotel management. And it is all for free. Some field agents came down to his house and starting recruiting youth interested in the trade- naturally he jumped on the chance.

May 15,2012
Stevenson wants to be a world-renown musician.

Something struck me.

I saw something beautiful today.  It was not something out of the ordinary or much of anything really. It was simple. On the bench across from me as I rode down Route National #1 there sat a young adolescent boy and what appeared to be his younger brother.

As the tap-tap slowed down for the two and the older boy carried his sibling unto the car,t in a brief moment I saw selflessness. How am I sure? well, I am not. But I like to believe I have this advanced sense of intuition which enables me to see beyond what others can, and due to my heightened sense of imagination... right away I knew their story.

They were both dressed to the tee in their vibrant uniforms. The older boy, could not have been older then eleven years old, and was suited in his neon green pleated pants and his green and white checkered button down. The toddler was in his grayish blue over-alls, - his name had been embroidered in red capital letters on his chest: SAMSON ( I think this is common custom down here to have your name embroidered on your uniform while in" garderie" / preschool, because I also recall a photo of myself where this to held true).

They were obviously coming home from school, because at this time it was a bit after one and the older brother look famished. His skin was a bit tarred from the warm island sun. But his younger brother,Samson, with his bright orange "sa pi bon" popsicle in hand was ready to take on the world. His smile alone lit up the cart.

Little did most of us know...He and his older brother, were up before the break of dawn, at around 4:30 this morning. His older brother had to run  15 minutes to the village cistern to fill his bucket  with some water for him and his brother to shower before breakfast. His dad, couldn't have gone because they live with their mother. But she is barely home, she works as a servant from Monday through Saturday. Samson accompanies his older brother to the well, although his older brother repeatedly tells him he doesn't need company and that Samson only slows him down. (His older brother know Samson could use the few more moments of rest.)

But Samson is insistant and can't help it.. He adores his older brother. For a long time now, it has been just the two of them . He actually can't remember other wise.  

Their uniform is still moist from his older brother's attempt to wash off last week's stench but they look brand new. Samson's older brother, fixes his lunch box with his favorites - salted crackers,cheese and ketchup sandwich and an extra 5 gourdes for Samson's favorite treat: "  orange "sa pi bon" popsicles.

His older brother takes Samson's hand and walks another twenty minutes to the  nearest taptap station.As they sped down the hill, they make it a few seconds after 6:30. "This is the last time!" The chauffeur yelled "Tommorrow, you kids don't make it on time and you walk the whole way."  Samson was terrified by this taptap driver's voice, and his older brother pulled him near...

After a long day at school it was time to head home.His older brother picked Samson up from school and was glad to see he had found the hidden dollar. Samson was already savoring his delicious orange flavored popsicle. His joy was contagious.

Oblivion..

The moment when all your hopes and dreams seem like an oh so distant fairy-tale, I believe is detrimental to a person's core, detrimental to a person's humanity. 

As I watched my cherry-red blood drip down my chest and splatter into the pearly white floor. Instinctfully, I leaped down to clean up after myself- but as I attempted to stretch out into the floor I felt each ligament tear a bit more.  The pain was excruciating, and  as my knuckles became numb - my eyes began drift away into oblivion...

Waves.

 I've recently been harassed with thoughts, stipulations, nightmares of mere mortality. I wake up in the middle of the night trembling and frozen in fear.  And within those moments of helpless I relinquish my worries, my reality to Those which set it all before me. As I try to navigate  through these foreign thoughts, these  alien sensations clouded in what ifs? in fractures of doubt.. I am certain that I was born to live forever, that I was born not to end.. In these raw moments of trying to make sense of it all, I turn to that which I have placed my faith in. 

Currently yes I stand, walking  against what seem like the tallest wave  I have ever seen. And yet, I rest assured that while this wave seems insurmountable .. it will too come to pass.. 

 I will look down one day and smile 

“Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also.. John 14:1-3

Caught up in my day dreams...

When will the day come when the actuality I see for others are reflected in the canvases painted by reality?

 What is meant to be shall be.